he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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