saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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