Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
