i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
