I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
