I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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