I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
