His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
