I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
