proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
