dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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