i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
