Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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