It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
