I cut my penus on the lid.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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