is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
