mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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