This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need to calm my uterus...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
