corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
