it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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