Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my being single is dangerous.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
