remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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