I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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