what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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