Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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