He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
