the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
