Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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