If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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