You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
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I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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