I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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