i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
