Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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