I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
