You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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