this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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