This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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