I look better un-naked...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
