I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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