I wish my penis had an off switch
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
