If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
