I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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