The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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