that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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