And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
