Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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