btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Watching her eat just hurts me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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