genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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