Im at strip club and am horny
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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