I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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