I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
