I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
