My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
