I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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