I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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