why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
