I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
