And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
