im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
