they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
