I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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