If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
