Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
