My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
