tonight lets celebrate not being married
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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