Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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