It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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