Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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