It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
