Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
they need to just BURY HIM!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
