Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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