everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
