that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity