the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine