The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule