Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
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Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"