If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE