she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
