fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.