i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
