id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
