Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
