I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize