Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
