She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
