when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
did i just pee glitter
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
