if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
